Today is day 7? Huh??? Can you imagine that? I'm starting to be convinced that for those that this is easy, this route is not for you. I'm just trying to distract myself as much as possible. Being awake is not worth it sometimes. Can I please just sleep for the next month? K thanks!
My energy to shoot has been low. I keep thinking that I've run out of ideas. Whenever I've been in this sort of situation before, I just start shooting something and it usually grows from there. I sure hope that's the case. I know how important it is for me to keep moving forward. KEEP SHOOTING PLEASE! This is a time when Dori would be helpful in her mantra of "Just keep swimming."
The pressure that surrounds me at the moment feels intolerable. I'm intolerant to this damn feeling of being hungry. And the thoughts in my head that rationalize food behavior are getting louder. I CANNOT AFFORD TO LISTEN! SAM, YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO LISTEN! The biggest times that I have trouble are when I'm driving and home alone. Driving is a time that I developed so many unacceptable behaviors around food. It would be all too easy to say to myself, I never had it a last time. Why not have a final go at it again? Never works out the way I imagine. The guilt is crazy but my mouth waters still. I can't tell you how many times my mouth watered last night at dinner. Pretty ridiculous... I wish I wasn't so hungry.
Things will get better. Tough times are not without good ones. Time has shown this before in my life. Anyways, today I FEEL discouraged.